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16 May 2014 @ 02:10 pm
I guess...  
... This is me returning to LiveJournal. I've actually been reading entries on my list off and on but I haven't gotten around to actually making a post.

We lost little Amelia on April 3rd at 27 weeks due to a cord issue. I hadn't felt her move at all in a few days which was very unusual as she was a very active baby and loved to wiggle and kick basically all day. My doctor did the ultrasound and told me there was no longer a heartbeat. I didn't cry at first, I'm pretty sure I was in shock. It wasn't until I was at the hospital getting ready to deliver that it started to hit me as the contractions started to come in. It was a pretty quick labor, but that might've been because I was so full of painkiller I could barely tell I was pushing at all. My husband stayed by my side the entire time, and after she was born early the next morning we got a few hours alone with her which was nice. The hospital gave us a box with keepsakes in it from the labor as well, though I haven't gone through it at all.

It's been 6 weeks and I've gotten a lot of my grief out (mostly on twitter, as some of you know) and my husband has been the most amazingly supportive man and I'm so thankful for him every day. We support each other ultimately and I don't know where I would be without him. We're starting to think about trying to get pregnant again very soon, in fact. It feels right, and I can only go with my gut feeling on this.

At the moment my main concern is the fact that my city and pretty much all surrounding cities are on fire! There's about 8 total burning in San Diego county but thankfully we haven't had to evacuate just yet (though the power just came back on after it being off for a day and a half). At the moment the fire on Camp Pendleton is the most threatening to us but we seem to be out of harms way for now, besides inhaling a bunch of smoke and crud. They're saying all the fires are the work of arsonists considering it's unusual for 8 fires to pop up in the same county on the same day PLUS they're all pretty equal distances apart. Pretty fishy.
Current Mood: hothot
meowmensteenmeowmensteen on May 16th, 2014 09:56 pm (UTC)
That's really sad to hear. I don't know how I'd deal with a situation like that.

Those fires do sound pretty fishy. Stay safe.
Heatheraverdepois on May 17th, 2014 12:41 am (UTC)
The fires keep either shifting directions so we become in and out of the path or a new one crops up nearby. :| But we're keeping as safe as possible.
Sarah Elizabethkaaelyn on May 16th, 2014 10:29 pm (UTC)
I'm still so very sorry about your loss of Amelia. I just can't even imagine.

I've been following your tweets about the fires. That's so scary! I hope they don't spread to your area.
Heatheraverdepois on May 17th, 2014 12:42 am (UTC)
Thank you. <3 We have a plan if we do actually need to evacuate.
Kysanndrakysanndra on May 16th, 2014 11:01 pm (UTC)
I am so sorry to hear that :(.
Heatheraverdepois on May 17th, 2014 12:43 am (UTC)
Thank you. :) I've gotten most of my grief out and I'm trying to focus on more positive things at the moment. I do have my sad moments at times, but its manageable.
mrs_kaytemrs_kayte on May 17th, 2014 12:02 am (UTC)
I'm so so sorry. I guess you saw on my journal that I lost my William on March 22 at 23 weeks. The loss is incomprehensible. Amelia was going to be William's name if he had been a girl.

We got a box too- the hardest part about having William was leaving the hospital with a box instead of a baby. I also held my son but he didn't look good because he had passed the week before. </p>

My thoughts are with you and your husband. I hate that we have this in common but I'm here if you need me. Take care of yourself.

Heatheraverdepois on May 17th, 2014 12:52 am (UTC)
I'm so sorry about William. <3

What an awful thing to have in common, you're so right. That was indeed the hardest part - to leave the hospital no longer pregnant and without my little girl. She looked okay thankfully, she had only passed a few days before I delivered her. She lives on though, in memory and so does William. <3
Me.Myself.And.Khi.damedosbesos on May 17th, 2014 12:23 am (UTC)

I'm glad to see you back on here. And I am glad to see a fire update. I've been worried about you all day!

Heatheraverdepois on May 17th, 2014 12:54 am (UTC)
We're mostly out of the woods now, unless winds suddenly drastically shift or another fire pops up closer to us. Now the only annoying thing is the terrible air quality and the HEAT. :(
Me.Myself.And.Khi.damedosbesos on May 17th, 2014 12:56 am (UTC)
I'm glad you guys are out of the woods. it should be cooling down in the next few days & we won't be seeing this kind of heat for a while. I really hope that if those fires were arson they find whoever it was and set them on fire... I mean.. and they get in a lot of trouble. Yeah.. that.
Deviant Little Cupcakeleylarna on May 17th, 2014 12:56 am (UTC)
Wow whatn awful thing to experience, you sound very brave! My heart goes out to you, I experienced a miscarriage at 2 months many years ago and that was heartbreaking but I didn't have to go through a delivery. I'm so glad you have such great support xx
mrs_kaytemrs_kayte on May 17th, 2014 02:39 pm (UTC)
I'm so sorry for your loss. I guess we are the 1 in 4.

Heatheraverdepois on May 17th, 2014 06:11 pm (UTC)
I'm so sorry for your miscarriage. <3
Samrobvansam on May 17th, 2014 01:54 am (UTC)
I'm sorry to hear of your loss. :( *hugs*
Heatheraverdepois on May 17th, 2014 06:11 pm (UTC)
Thank you. <3
♥.·:*¨¨*:·.*MeigZ*.·:*¨¨*:·.♥beautyizdead on May 17th, 2014 11:21 am (UTC)
{{Hugs}} I'm so sorry.
Heatheraverdepois on May 17th, 2014 06:12 pm (UTC)
-hugs- Thank you. Day by day it gets a little easier.
arctic_cometarctic_comet on May 17th, 2014 11:28 am (UTC)
I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter :( My sister suffered two miscarriages (during early pregnancy) and thought she'd never be a mom, but now she has a little boy who's almost two. I wish you and your husband the best of luck!
Heatheraverdepois on May 17th, 2014 06:13 pm (UTC)
Thank you <3 I'm holding out hope, though sometimes it seems impossible that I'll ever be a mom. :( We were pregnant once before about a year and a half ago with twins and they were lost at 16 weeks. Stories like that give me hope though.
arctic_cometarctic_comet on May 17th, 2014 06:20 pm (UTC)
Awww man, that's tough, sorry to hear this wasn't your first time losing a child :( I think my sister had pretty much given up by the time she got pregnant for the 3rd time and I know she thought she'd miscarry again, but nothing abnormal happened. And she was already 39 when she finally had her son.
c l e o d o r acleodora on May 17th, 2014 03:45 pm (UTC)
I'm so sorry about Amelia :( Sam sounds amazing, I'm so glad you have such a strong relationship.

You're right, you can only go with your gut feeling, there are no universal rules in a situation like this.

The fires sound so scary. Glad you have your power back at least!
Heatheraverdepois on May 17th, 2014 06:18 pm (UTC)
I could not have hoped for a better man to be my husband, honestly. There have been days where he's dragged me out of bed and we go do something fun so I don't dwell and mope and I've done the same for him as well. I think what makes us strong is knowing we have each other's backs through anything.

I'm excited to start trying again as well! (and not just for the prospect of a lot of sex)
ladystoneheart: till I end I stayladystoneheart on May 30th, 2014 01:57 am (UTC)
! I can't imagine, I hope you are healing now; all the best to you and your husband. I am so sorry for your lost. :( *Big bear hugs*