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15 July 2014 @ 08:13 pm
I've been absolutely terrible about being active on LiveJournal and I apologize! I've been reading friends entries though, I just haven't felt coherent enough to form a well thought entry... if you have me added on Twitter you haven't noticed an absence from me at all and this entry will probably recap everything you already know so you can just skip ahead. I still feel a little scrambled from new things that are going on so this entry will be bullet pointed for easy reading.

  • I'm currently pregnant with another little bean, and I'm about 7 weeks along at the moment. I still miss Amelia every day and my husband and I felt it was right to start trying again as soon as I was medically allowed. I didn't expect to get pregnant again so soon though! We're absolutely thrilled about it, but I haven't told many people I'm personally close to just in case. I plan to wait until I'm "out of the woods" to announce the pregnancy to my family. Fingers crossed!

  • Right before I got pregnant I got a job working in a little mom & pop coffee shop and I absolutely LOVE it. Even if it means my entire house smells like coffee due to my husband working at Starbucks. They treat me well and I'm only working part time hours at the moment which suits me because this baby has me totally wiped out physically. I completely forgot how tiring the first trimester is! My boss is very understanding and flexible with my schedule and I love being able to connect to customers in such a personal way which I felt Starbucks was lacking when I worked with them. Too corporate, too much pressure to usher people in and out.

  • My husband has not been feeling well for the past few months and being the stubborn Scorpio man that he is refused to see a doctor about his chest pressure & pains, shortness of breath and moments of dizziness off and on. Turns out, he has an undiagnosed heart condition called Aortic Valve Stenosis Which basically means he was born with his aortic valve with two flaps instead of three which limits the amount of blood flow in and out of the heart. This condition is usually diagnosed at birth but his mother was very neglectful towards him (which is a whole other story entirely) and it was never caught. Until symptoms started to spring up. He needs surgery to fix the valve and he had the option of getting a mechanical valve that would last him a lifetime with the hinderance of him having to take blood thinners for the rest of his life to prevent blood clots OR to get a valve from a pig or cadaver put in which would only last 10-15 years before needing to be replaced again. He opted for the mechanical valve so surgery is scheduled for July 24th. In which they will slice open my husband, saw open his sternum and stop his heart for 2-5 hours to operate on his heart to replace the faulty valve. So I've been having some anxiety about the whole ordeal, even though the surgery only has a 10-15% mortality rate, I've been trying to think about the good odds and how the surgery will benefit from him immensely. This doesn't mean I haven't been randomly bursting into nervous tears about it off and on, or it could be hormones. WHO KNOWS? Until the surgery he's been ordered to take it easy and not do anything stressful or strenuous which means a leave from work. He's bored and mildly unhappy but I'm pleased because more time with him and cuddles.

So there's my life over the past few months in a nutshell. Not much else has been going on. Any major life events in your lives, my friends?!

Oh and I guess my birthday was June 20th though 26 isn't really an age to make a big deal out of. We didn't do anything too memorable. 
16 May 2014 @ 02:10 pm
... This is me returning to LiveJournal. I've actually been reading entries on my list off and on but I haven't gotten around to actually making a post.

We lost little Amelia on April 3rd at 27 weeks due to a cord issue. I hadn't felt her move at all in a few days which was very unusual as she was a very active baby and loved to wiggle and kick basically all day. My doctor did the ultrasound and told me there was no longer a heartbeat. I didn't cry at first, I'm pretty sure I was in shock. It wasn't until I was at the hospital getting ready to deliver that it started to hit me as the contractions started to come in. It was a pretty quick labor, but that might've been because I was so full of painkiller I could barely tell I was pushing at all. My husband stayed by my side the entire time, and after she was born early the next morning we got a few hours alone with her which was nice. The hospital gave us a box with keepsakes in it from the labor as well, though I haven't gone through it at all.

It's been 6 weeks and I've gotten a lot of my grief out (mostly on twitter, as some of you know) and my husband has been the most amazingly supportive man and I'm so thankful for him every day. We support each other ultimately and I don't know where I would be without him. We're starting to think about trying to get pregnant again very soon, in fact. It feels right, and I can only go with my gut feeling on this.

At the moment my main concern is the fact that my city and pretty much all surrounding cities are on fire! There's about 8 total burning in San Diego county but thankfully we haven't had to evacuate just yet (though the power just came back on after it being off for a day and a half). At the moment the fire on Camp Pendleton is the most threatening to us but we seem to be out of harms way for now, besides inhaling a bunch of smoke and crud. They're saying all the fires are the work of arsonists considering it's unusual for 8 fires to pop up in the same county on the same day PLUS they're all pretty equal distances apart. Pretty fishy.
Current Mood: hothot
10 March 2014 @ 11:28 am
I've decided to go on a small Livejournal hiatus.

My life has taken a drastic turn for the boring what with being stuck at home all the time now and such. I should be back in a few months, barring nothing life-altering happens before then! I still update Twitter in short bursts so if anyone would like to add me there, feel free: @featherandholly (I'm an open book, be aware).

See you all in a few months!
26 February 2014 @ 09:23 pm
As I sit here reading my book, my daughter has been punching me in the vagina for about the past 15 minutes.

That is all.
Current Mood: sleepysleepy
25 February 2014 @ 11:08 am
Thank you to everyone who left well wishes on my last entry. <3 It means a lot to me.

The past few days has been wildly uneventful, as suspected. Talleulah has been keeping me company and so has my knitting but that can only occupy me for so long or before I get wicked hand cramps. Not to mention we don't have cable and I'm out of shows to watch on Netflix! So I've restarted Doctor Who. I'm still on the fence between Nine and Ten being my favorite Doctor - Nine is wonderfully sassy and Ten is just... Ten. I was never a huge fan of Eleven, he just seems like the new kid who's trying way too hard to fit in with the hipster crowd at school. Plus Moffat. I'm sort of hoping they bring back Jack for season 8, I really miss him. I also can't decide between Rose Tyler or the Ponds as my favorite companion(s)! I'm leaning towards Rose though. She's too awesome to be 2nd place.

The other afternoon my husband surprised me by coming home with a few books because he felt sorry for me having to be stuck at home until the Bean makes her appearance. He brought me Will Grayson, Will Grayson by John Green and David Leviathan and I was pretty underwhelmed with the ending. I think I was suspecting some life-altering twist near the end like Looking For Alaska and The Fault In Our Stars but it wasn't there. It was still a pretty good read, though. He also brought Divergent by Veronica Roth which I'm excited to start because the movie trailer looks interesting and everyone's been talking about it. I have pretty high hopes for it.

I haven't had a single contraction since I went to the hospital! There's good news as well, though she's been as active as ever. Usually when Sam is around and she hears his voice - it warms me that she knows her daddy. We're still undecided on a name. For the longest time I loved the name Amelia (not DW inspired, I promise) and he really liked Lucy but I saw on reddit that someone named their little girl Penelope and I really like that too. :| It's hard to choose a name for another little person who's going to be stuck it with forever.
Current Mood: awake
Current Music: "Stuck On You" - New Politics
22 February 2014 @ 04:05 pm
Fun night last night that began yesterday morning when I started having bad cramping on and off in my lower abdomen area. I shrugged it off a little and laid down for awhile then it began to get worse with the cramping coming closer together in the evening and I could feel my uterus tightening and loosening during these cramps that I now know were contractions. I got nervous and decided to go to the hospital just to get checked out and I was dilated to a fingertip and my cervix had started to shorten. I was immediately put on something to stop the labor and now I am the super excited winner of 18 long weeks of strict bed rest. We didn't get home from the hospital until this morning and my husband had to immediately take a shower, got dressed and went to work while I went to sleep. Poor thing.

I've been super tired and mildly upset all day because there go my plans for an unmedicated home birth. Then comes the feelings of guilt because it shouldn't matter as long as my daughter is healthy and full term right? Of course, but I hate hospitals. Bleh.
Current Mood: draineddrained
19 February 2014 @ 12:04 am
I'm up late because Titanic is on AMC and I can never not watch this movie. As always, the scene that always gets me where the captain drowns at the helm, the old couple spoons in the bed and the mother reads to her kids before "bed" had me reduced to a blubbering, snotty mess. Actually this whole movie makes me cry ugly tears. :( Except Jack's death for some reason, that never really touched me much. My tears are incredibly selective, apparently.

I've been posting on twitter tons more lately than on Livejournal. I just find it easier to be active there when it's short bursts of thoughts/updates rather than Livejournal where I feel like I need to take the time to write out and organize a longer drawn out update. Feel free to add me on there if anybody has a twitter account as well (@featherandholly). Please be aware I occasionally mention sex and other maybe not so SFW things. But otherwise I'm perfectly friendly and civil. ;)

I'm pretty nervous about my 20 week scan coming up on thursday. Focusing my positivity on that.
Current Mood: fullfull
15 February 2014 @ 03:26 pm
... Was spent alone. Sam and I were getting ready to hunker down and enjoy a night in when suddenly his phone rings. The center his store is in completely lost power after dark and the partners were all spazzing out because it was busy and no one knew if they were allowed to close and go home or if they had to wait it out (for my new friends, he's a Store Manager for Starbucks). So he had to go in and do damage control. Helped them herd the customers out of the lobby to avoid safety issues and be there in case some nut tried to take advantage of the power outage and tried to rob the store. The building manager came through and told them to just close down because the power was going to be out the rest of the night.

I'm not upset or anything as neither of us really care about valentines day in general. Just a funny little hiccup in the evening. Hope everyone else's valentines was special!
Current Mood: creative
13 February 2014 @ 10:57 am
Today, I am a giant pregnant beast.

I've already gone from elated happy after a little morning love with Sam to frustrated when I realized that nothing I have fits. Nothing. Unless I make a shopping trip, which I really shouldn't do because we're trying to save money, I'm doomed to leggings, dresses, and sweatpants until July. Upon realizing that I'm a giant whale I went from frustrated to tears in the snap of an instant and was reduced to a blubbering mess sitting on the floor of the bedroom with my pants halfway down. Geezus, hormones, stahp.

And it's not even 11am yet!

I had a little bit of lunch that consisted of a few fried eggs with hot sauce and now I'm laying down debating if I want to take a nap because I'm starting to feel a little drowsy. Yep, nap is a good idea.

Oh, and hello to all my new live journal friends!
Current Mood: hothot
12 February 2014 @ 05:46 pm
... My sudden, insatiable need for tortilla chips and spicy salsa. I sent a text to my husband asking him to pick some up on the way home from work in the sweetest, sugar-coated way possible and I happened to catch him while he was already stopped at the store picking up a few things.

SCORE. I am excite.
Current Mood: excitedexcited